


Morty Smith is Fucking Done

by Idiot_the_Jerk



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, Rick and Morty
Genre: I never said this was a good idea, IDK where this is in OHSHC, Light is the worst Morty impersonator ever, Morty and one of my OCs swap bodies and its terrible, OOC host club, RIP Morty and Light, Rick's probably OOC too, Set during S02e10 of Rick and Morty, Why Did I Write This?, blatant disregard to canon, body swapping, evil Morty references if you squint, fuck Tammy, i just did it anyways, idc, morty flashbacks to mr jellybean in chapter 3, mostly because i don't care, save Birdperson, the worst thing I've ever written, why, you can skip chapter three if you want to, you will be missed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-12-24 19:00:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12019023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idiot_the_Jerk/pseuds/Idiot_the_Jerk
Summary: Morty wakes up in the body of a Japanese high schooler and has to deal with the shit of a bunch of stuck up, rich, pretty boys.Meanwhile said Japanese teenager is helping Morty's grandfather dismantle a government because fuck Tammy. (Also to save Birdperson because he deserves better)Somewhere in this they're thinking about getting their bodies back.





	1. Why

**Author's Note:**

> I hate this so much.

**AN: I need to be stopped…**

 

Morty Smith was certain of three things. 

 

One, his grandfather Rick was an asshole. He was pretty much Morty’s only friend, but Rick was a huge asshole.

 

Second, the amount of noise surrounding him was as deafening as his and sometimes Rick’s screams whenever they ran from monsters of unimaginable horror. 

 

Third, this was definitely not his home on Earth C-137.

 

He awoke to a sight to behold for sure. It was a brightly lit room. A gigantic room at that. And pink. Very very pink. Fancy, expensive bases and paintings were all over the room. Some plush couches and tables were scattered about too.

 

The most notable thing about it, was there were  _ a lot  _ of people staring at him. A lot of them were  _ really hot  _ girls, but the people staring at him with most interest (or possibly concern) were seven boys. All the girls wore a really ugly yellow dress, and all the boys wore a slightly better looking periwinkle suit. From the fact they were almost all Asian, it was obvious to Morty he was lost in another dimension.

 

Looking around, Morty couldn't find Rick anywhere. Was this some weird prank Rick decided to pull of him while he was asleep? Oh geez.

 

“Minasae-san are you alright?” one of the boys asked. He wore glasses and had black hair. There was an air about him that reminded him of Rick. A teenage, Asian non-alcoholic Rick.

 

Wait a minute, Minasae?

 

Morty was suddenly very aware that he was standing much taller than he did usually. Half of his head felt really, cold in comparison to the other. And…

 

Oh.

 

He didn't have a dick anymore.

 

Feeling inside the pocket of his pants, he pulled out a cellphone, looking into the reflection to see his face.

 

Rather than his regular Morty face, was some Asian person. Morty wasn't exactly sure if they were referred to as a girl, or if there was some other kind of gender identity this person referred to. He wasn't really going to dwell on it.

 

The person whose body he was currently inhabiting was most likely a hipster. They had that sidecut hairstyle and wore hipster glasses. Not that Morty was going to, but if he took them off, he'd find he couldn't see shit. 

 

Morty began to shake. Why was he in someone else’s body. Who were they? Why was he here, Also could people stop staring at him? It was extremely uncomfortable.

 

“Okay ladies, I think the club’s going to have to end early today.” the tall blond boy said, ushering the girls out of the room.

 

The moment the doors closed. leaving the boys and Morty, Morty began to shriek.

 

-

 

Light Minasae was very confused. She's fallen asleep during hosting hours by accident (read as: on purpose), waking up in someone’s bedroom? 

 

It was ass-o-clock in the morning, meaning too early for this shit. But Light knew better than to just fall back asleep. She was God knows where.

 

When her senses started coming back to her, she knew something was off. She was short. Probably 5’2 now? Now if memory serves her correctly, she was at least 5’9. And why did she suddenly feel inferior to everyone?

 

Turning on a light, she saw the room much better than before. She recognized the place for sure. It just looked much more real than before.

 

“Fuck. It’s Rick and Morty.” she deadpanned.

 

“Am I really going to have to stutter and pretend to be stupid? Or should I just not talk at all? Nah that'll be too suspicious. Shit maybe I should just be honest with them...or talk to Rick.” Light wondered a loud to herself.

 

But another realization dawning on her was far more important.

 

“Oh fuck where are we in the timeline?” she asked.

 

-

 

“Light-chan calm down. It's okay.” a short blonde boy holding a pink stuffed bunny said, patting Morty’s back.

 

“What's Light-senpai’s deal?” the twin gingers asked the black haired boy.

 

Morty finally started calming down after a few more minutes. He breathed, trying to remember what the doctor said about having panic attacks. He also accidentally thought about what Rick would say, a la calling him a piece of shit.

 

That did it.

 

He was done.

 

So the person whose body he inhabited was named Light. That seemed kind of weird. Was it some nickname or something the person had because they hated their real name? Who knew.

 

He needed to tell these guys the truth though. He wasn't Light.

 

“I-I-I'm not the person, I mean, I'm not Light. M-my name’s Morty.” he said.

 

“Funny joke Minasae-san. You can talk about your dumb cartoons later.” the black haired boy said.

 

Dumb...cartoons? What? The mystery thickens.

 

“No really. I-I'm Morty. I don't really know why I'm in you-your friend’s body. Ah geez.” Morty said, trying to ignore the comment about cartoons.

 

“Body snatchers.” someone whispered. It was a lizard person. They disappeared into the void to write a mafia fanfiction.

 

“Say we believe you. How did this happen and where's Minasae-san?” the black haired boy asked, producing a black notebook and a pen out of thin air.

 

“Oh man. I-I-I don't know. Maybe something happened with my grandpa’s inventions? I don't know.” Morty replied.

 

The phone on Morty’s hands dinged. The boy, held it up to his face, curious to see who it was. The sender was started as unknown, but he knew it was his own number. The Light person was in his body.

 

**Unknown sender:** yo morty (you are morty right?). so i dunno if youll actually get this because different dimensions/timelines and shit but if you do great m8 8/8. (fuck this isnt the time for shitty memes)

 

**Unknown sender:** ok so were presumably in each other’s bodies. that's weird but not the weirdest thing to happen to me. i am unfortunately in a host club. speaking of. the ding dongs youre most likely having to deal with right now are the host club. the dingus with the glasses is Kyoya. (hes super butt hurt about everything don't talk to him.) the taller blonde idiot is Tamaki. he's full of himself to the max (don't feed his ego plz.) the ginger twins are Hikaru and Kaoru. it doesn't matter which is which they're just going to try to fuck with you and make you think one is the other.

 

**Unknown sender:** the short blonde who looks like a kid is Haninozuka-senpai. ppl call him Hunny-senpai (but it sounds weird so just call him short stuff. he's cool with it.) the short brunette is Haruhi who is  **definitely not a female** (read as: female) don't tell anyone about it though. she's paying off a vase she broke. the other brunette guy is my friend Jack. he's a replacement for the guy we used to have but Mori turned out to be a roomba. Jack  _ really  _ likes giving hugs but don't give him the satisfaction of letting him do it. he won't stop.

 

**Unknown sender:** right so now that you know the dingleberries, we get to the real shit. i have no idea why this happened and im really not in the mood of interacting with your family and possibly fucking something up. so i need you to do something for me. all i need to know is what the last adventure you went of with your grandpa was.

 

**Me:** We went to a planet and accidentally participated in a purge. Why is that important?

 

**Unknown sender:** shit. that ain't good. 

 

**Me:** What's going on? How are we going to get back in our normal bodies? And how do you know about me and my grandpa’s adventures?

 

**Unknown sender:** Morty I'm going to be real with you. Where I come from you're a cartoon character. You're adventures are just TV episodes. The next one we actually got to see was  _ really fucking bad. _

 

**Me:** WHAT?

 

**Unknown sender:** Yeah. Tammy’s an intergalactic nark, who tricked Birdperson into ‘dating’ her and their wedding is an elaborate ruse to trick your grandpa into turning himself into the government.

 

**Me:** Oh man. Oh geez what are we going to do? You have to warn Rick.

 

**Unknown sender:** Im currently a Morty. Do you think he's going to take me seriously?

 

**Me:** But you're not actually me. You can prove that to him right?

 

**Unknown sender:** Anything’s possible with infinite timelines. I just hope this is one where he believes me. The other problem with it is I could fuck up everything by trying to stop this.

 

**Me:** But you will right? Or at least try to.

 

**Unknown sender:** I can't make any promises. 

 

**Unknown sender:** If it doesn't work out, Morty, you're going to have to trust Rick. 

 

**Me:** Is that really a good idea?

 

**Unknown sender:** yeah. a cocky Morty never ends well.

 

**Unknown sender:** and neither do Mortys that lose their faith in Rick. They're kind of shitty.

 

**Me:** Wait why? What happens?

 

**Unknown sender:** for lack of better terms, as Morty's gain confidence Ricks lose theirs. That's about as far as I can get into it.

 

**Unknown sender:** oh fuck.

 

**Me:** Light?

 

**Me:** You there?

 

-

 

“W-what are youuuu doing up so l-late, Morty? T-talking to a girl Morty?” the scientist asked. It was Rick C-137. The Rickest Rick of them all. Standing at the door way, tipsy, looking at his ‘grandson’.

 

Light nearly scoffed at the statement. It was true after all. Even if she was texting ‘herself’. Light out Morty’s phone down, a little too calmly for someone who was supposed to be a caught Morty.

 

“What do you want Rick? As you said, it's pretty late.” Light asked.

  
  


Internally she cringed. That was waaaaay too sassy for season 2 Morty. Season 3 may be fair game but not Season 2.

 

“Geez someone's snippy.” Rick mumbled, taking a swig from his flask.

 

“You're drunk. I'm tired. Worry about it later.” Light said, turning the light off. She pretended to go back to sleep, waiting until the drunk man was gone.

 

**Me:** I'm not cut out to be a Morty.

 

-

 

Rick Sanchez was almost always some form of drunk. There was hardly a time where he was completely sober. But despite the fact he was extremely drunk at the moment, he could tell something was off about Morty. Or should he say ‘Morty’.

 

He was still the smartest man in the universe. He knew his own grandson. And whoever it was in Morty’s room was not an actually Morty. Unless it was…

 

Nah.

 

That Morty was probably dead, or with another Rick.

 

Rick wasn't going to lie, he was noticing Morty was starting to become more like him. Morty, of course, would never be as smart as he was, but more and more of Rick’s personality was showing up in Morty.

 

Shaking his head he told himself, this wasn't Morty. Morty still stuttered when he called Rick out. Morty would have freaked out when Rick opened the door. Morty had calmly put down the phone and spoke in short sentences.

 

It wasn't Morty.

 

So where was he?


	2. You Enjoy This?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Smith Family are going on a family outing. Morty is already losing his patience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Ricklantis messed me the fuck up for a bit.

Light was not prepared to tell Rick the truth when the morning actually came. Sometime during the night she’d decided to tell him about being trapped in the body of his grandson for (God knows why). The rest of the Smith family didn't really need to know.

She sent off a quick message to Morty before descending the stairs. She took a deep breath in preparation for what was to come.

The rest of the family was eating cereal. Of fucking course. It was too late to warn Rick about the Galactic Government. With the rest of the Smiths there it would only raise questions if she brought it up.

Her eyes shifted towards the door. The courtier flap would probably be there soon. Which wasn't a good thing.

“Morty. What are you doing standing there? You expecting something?” Beth asked.

Fuck. Light thought.

“No.” Light sighed, trying to sound more like a Morty. She sat down at the table, just as the doorbell rang.

_Sweet embrace of death please take me now._

Jerry opened the door, the courier flap flew inside the house.

Light had to fight off the overwhelming urge to cringe. It was happening.

As the episode had done, Rick opened the egg message and was visibly annoyed that it was a wedding invitation. He dumped it in the trash, as the rest of the family got excited over it.

“My friend Tammy is marrying Birdperson!!” Summer squealed.

strong>Me: Morty it's too late.

“What's a Birdperson?” Jerry asked.

“He's what the name implies. Half bird half person.” Light replied. Her face paled as she realized her mistake.

“Morty are you feeling alright? You're acting really strange?” Beth asked.

“And who you texting? We all know you don't have friends.” Summer asked.

Rick's eyes narrowed, analyzing his ‘grandson’. Whoever was trying to impersonate Morty was doing a really terrible job.

“I just….I feel like going to that wedding is a really bad idea.” Light said.

“You're just letting Rick’s ideals take over you again. It'll be fine.” Jerry said.

“Tell that to Birdperson.” Light mumbled over the chorus of “Jerry!!”.

“Sending. Jerry.” the courier flap said, grabbing Jerry and flying off.

“Fuck.” Light whispered.

Thus they were on their way to planet Squanch for Birdperson and fucking Tammy’s wedding.

 **Me** : we’re fucked.

 **Unknown sender** : Oh geez, Light. What happened?

 **Me** : the same thing that happened before. Jerry was taken to Planet Squanch. We’re forced to go to the wedding now.

 

“So, ‘Morty’, if I should really be calling you that,” Rick said, using air quotes on Morty. 

Light paled even further, if she paled more she would be a ghost.

“Why don’t you want to go to the wedding?” Rick asked suspiciously.

Light sighed, regaining whatever confidence she could scrape up, and preparing herself for what was to come.

“Fine, we both know you’re the smartest person in the universe. You can see I’m not actually your Morty. We can get that out of the way right?” Light asked.

“Who the fuck are you?” Rick asked.

“The name’s Light. I’m a Japanese teenager who’s stuck inside the body of your grandson. Like I told him last night, not the weirdest thing I’ve come across. I come from a dimension where you and your grandson’s adventures are a TV show. I was going to do you a favour and prevent one of them from happening. I’m a bit too late for that now.” Light explained.

“Before you ask, Tammy is actually a spy for the Galactic Federation and she’s tricking you into turning yourself in. Birdperson doesn’t know. He thinks she’s just a regular teenager.” 

Rick’s expression darkened at this notion. Whether this was about the Galactic Federation or Birdperson, Light didn’t really know. She didn’t particularly feel like asking either, knowing she wouldn’t get a clear answer. 

“Tell me why I shouldn’t just *urp* shoot you? There are infinite timelines, as you alleEEEGedly know. SO you know I have infinite Mortys. I-I could just shoot you and get another one.” Rick asked.

“I think we both know you care about your Morty a lot more than that, Rick.” Light replied. “Remember the jellybean you killed?”

Rick grimaced, whether it was at the memory of King Jellybean or the realization that Light was right, she’d never really know. He was a pretty complicated person to read, even with everything the show gave people.

“Grab a shovel.” Light said, walking towards the back door.

“Why should I listen to you?” Rick asked.

“Because I’m the one who knows what could go down today. If you want a better chance of escaping grab a fucking shovel and help get get the portal gun from your corpse.” Light replied.

Rick was never one who liked to be bossed around. Much less bossed around by a teenage girl who was in the body of his grandson. But knowing the Galactic Federation was after his ass and tricked Birdperson in this whole mess was enough for Rick to take his pride and shove it up his ass like a Mega Seed. Reluctantly, he complied.

“So why do you want the bastard’s poruuughtal gun?” Rick asked, as he dug through the makeshift grave.

“Insurance. There’s a high possibility you’re going to have to ‘give up’ yours.” Light replied, air quoting give up.

“What about MoOORty?” Rick asked.

-

Morty Smith thought the host club would be tolerable. In comparison to life or death adventures non-stop this should have been a cake walk.

But no.

Life hated Morty Smith. 

He tried his hardest to be nice to them. He really did. It was almost like the cat guy that forced him to listen to that terrible story, but more human. Like with the cat guy, he had limits. Those limits had diminished greatly since his adventures with his grandpa started. 

The host club were a bunch of rich assholes with their families shoved waaaaay far up their asses. Morty would have made a mega seed reference but the author had already beat him to the punch with that. There wouldn’t be two of the same ‘joke’. (If you could even call it a joke. The author was full of shit jokes.) The only people he found tolerable were Haruhi, who was apparently dragged into the club after breaking a vase and Jack. Jack was alright. He kind of just left Morty alone.

Now the rest of the club, they didn’t give Morty that luxury. 

It was almost creepy how they started obsessing over him. All because he’d landed himself inside the body of one of their friends. (Were Light and the host club actually friends? She didn’t seem to speak to kindly about them.) The club wanted to know all about him. Every thing. Even the shit about his adventures with Rick.

Morty didn’t want to talk about Rick right now. He didn’t want anything to do with Rick, given the possibility of him being the cause of this still being in the air. He didn’t even want the attention he was getting. Morty really didn’t like being the center of attention. It put a lot of pressure on the poor kid. And that’s something the club didn’t really seem to understand.

He wanted to leave, but he had no idea where he would go. 

Morty lied. He really wanted Rick to appear and portal him the fuck out of there. 

None of the hosts talking to him seemed to care that Morty was on the brink of tears. Either that or none of them noticed it, which would make them really fucking stupid. That only made Morty think they were even bigger assholes than before. 

“Leave him alone, guys. You’re overwhelming him.” Haruhi said.

Haruhi was Morty’s saving grace. It seemed like the host club finally pulled their head out of their ass and stopped thinking about themselves at that moment. They could finally see the tears forming in Morty’s eyes and how he was beginning to shake. So they backed off. They finally left him to his much needed alone time. He was thankful for that. 

**Unknown sender** : Rick knows.

 **Unknown sender** : also if the host club is getting all up in your shit you can tell them to fuck off. they won’t think too much about it.

 **Me** : Do my parents and sister know?

 **Unknown sender** : your dad was taken by the testicle version of UPS before anyone had time to really think about it. only rick knows.

 **Me** : Do you really have to deal with the host club every day?

 **Unknown sender** : sadly. Again tell them to fuck off if you need to.

 **Me** : Aren’t they, like, your friends or something?

 **Unknown sender** : lol no. jack is about that’s about it. I just roll with their shit because i have to. im part of their dumb club, but not by choice.

 **Unknown sender** : Serious talk for a second. I’ve already warned Rick about what may happen at the wedding. We’re trying to prevent it but I can make no promises. I dunno if the phone’s going to be destroyed at some point. Hopefully we’ll talk again soon.

 **Me** : Wait you’re leaving now?

 **Unknown sender** : yup. Bye Morty.

Just like that it was over. Neither Morty or Light knew if they'd speak to each other again. Given Light was about to face the Galactic Federation, chances were pretty slim. Still Morty had to have faith in her. She was (apparently) their only hope.

“Yo. Morty.” Jack called. He was sitting on one of the couches in front of a laptop. Jack waved Morty over.

“Check this out.” he said.

-

Light was trying very hard not to show she was nervous. The dead Rick’s portal gun was hidden away in one of her suit pockets in case all went to shit like it had in the actual episode.

She had a feeling it wasn't going to end well. Why? She couldn't say. Maybe they couldn't save Birdperson from dying. Maybe on of the Smiths were going to die. Maybe Tammy knew. Light didn't really want to think about it.

Rick seemed pretty nonchalant about the whole situation. But after binge watching the entire show multiple times Light could tell that it was all a front. Rick was just as unsure as she was, and that was something he hated.

For someone who was regarded as the smartest person in the universe, being unsure sucked.. He was supposed to know everything. Now all he had to rely on were the words of some weeb kid with the voice of his dumb grandson.

The ship landed on Planet Squanch not long after. 

Naturally, because Summer was unaware that her nark friend was going to try to arrest them, she ran off towards Tammy to give congratulations over a fake wedding. Beth went off on a journey to find Jerry, leaving Rick with his not Morty. The kid was nervous, as a person stuck in the body of someone else and on an interdimensional mission should be, but not the Morty level (aka being a pussy). It was a weird experience, to have someone with the face of a Morty but didn’t stutter and not as much of a dumbass as Morty. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing either. His ‘cloaking device’ wasn’t exactly going to work as well (if at all) if the time came. 

The kid puffed their cheeks out, looking around awkwardly. Lovely conversation.

Off in the direction of Birdperson, was Tammy, Summer and Beth, so going over there to warn Birdperson (or threatening a nark) was not an option. And fuck Jerry, that wasn’t even a last resort. 

Without any other option, Rick went to go get drunk.

Light stood in place for a little while longer, the feeling of dread slowly coming upon her.

“We’re so fucked…” she whispered.


	3. Morty Blows A Fuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morty meets some interesting characters while continuing the wait for his body back. Naturally it doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not what I intended for this chapter.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> In the chapter Morty flashbacks to Mr Jellybean so if you don't wanna see that shit just don't read the chapter. Nothing super important plot wise happens.

Morty did not understand how going to high school was more frustrating than constantly going on dangerous sci-fi adventures with Rick. To his knowledge from the very little school he did go to in his dimension, school was boring as shit. It solely consisted of some person at the front of the room droning on about something, then telling you to leave after the bell rings.

 

What the fuck kind of school was this?  _ Why  _ the fuck would someone willingly go to this school who wasn’t a pretentious rich kid? Haruhi you were supposed to be the smart one here!!!!

 

The doucheassery club were dressed as knights, for some reason, (according to Tamaki it was called cosplay) and classes just did not exists. Some cultural festival or something. Not that dressing as knights and talking to girls was particularly cultural. They also treated Haruhi like she was some sort of slave or something. (Didn’t Light say something about Haruhi paying off a debt?)

 

Morty refused to partake in this. Sure he was supposed to be pretending to be Light for the sake of the rest of the school, but there was no way in hell he was going to wear a dorky knight costume just so he could awkwardly attempt to talk to girls, before realising Light spent most of her time on her phone doing nothing for the club and just following suit. There was no way he was going to conform to fruity rumpus asshole factory today (or any day really.)

 

From behind the door, he could faintly hear someone say, “Some-”

 

The door bursted open. Two girls stood there, one with long blonde hair and the other with short brown hair. The brown haired one had her foot in the air. No one said a word. 

 

Morty was fairly certain they were supposed to have said, “BODY,” sometime during kicking the door in but it never happened. And he wasn’t about to tell them that. Clearly they had no idea how memes worked.

 

Someone gasped. The two girls were looking at Morty. “Is...is that a GIRL in your club?!” the short haired girl, who still had her foot in the air by the way, asked loudly.

 

“Technically no.” one of the ginger assholes replied.

 

The girls gasped again, swaying through the air looking like a bunch of idiotic worms. “You liiiiie! It’s a girl! We can clearly see it!” they yelled.

 

Morty wanted to sink into the floor and disappear by this point. There were many things he wished at that moment, the main one being he wanted to disappear.

 

Another girl came into view. She was holding Haruhi and looking directly at Morty while acrobatically fucking pirouetting in the hallway.

 

“Long live the vagina!!!!” the new girl yelled.

 

“Oh geez…” Morty whispered.

 

A loud pterodactyl screech pierced Morty’s ears. The new girl was standing, wide mouthed, staring and pointing at Morty. Jesus fucking Christ not again.

 

“Another girl?! In this club?! Does my feminine superiority deceive me? How  **_dare_ ** you drag two innocent females into this wretched club! Mine eyes doth bequeef me!!!!” the girl yelled.

 

“I...I don’t even know what you were trying to say. Whatever it was that definitely wasn’t the word you were looking for.” Kyoya deadpanned.

 

“Who the hell are these clowns anyways?” the twins asked.

 

The lights went out. Someone shrieked, probably Tamaki. No one knows what’s about to happen. 

 

Suddenly classical music began to play throughout the room. A single spotlight shone down from the ceiling upon the last girl to have entered the room. Morty was vaguely aware the girls were singing, although he wasn’t entirely sure what ‘Lobelia meant’.

 

“St Lobelia Academy second year student, Benio Amakusa.” the girl said. It was that moment Morty finally realised she traded her school uniform for a purple suit. She also had a lilly in her mouth. 

 

The spotlight goes out. A different spotlight shines down upon the blonde girl wearing a white and teal dress. 

 

“Second year student Chizuru Mihara.” the girl said.

 

The room turns black again. A third spotlight shines down on the final girl, who is now wearing a puffy pink dress. 

 

“First year student. Hinako Tsuabuki.” she said.

 

The other two spot light turn back on. 

 

“We are the Zuka Club!!” they yelled.

 

All the lights turned back on, revealing a very confused host club and distracted Morty. An awkward pause followed the Zuka club’s introduction. Once again no one knew what to say. No one wanted to say anything.

 

“I see our feminine awesomeness has rendered you speechless. How can I blame you, we are better and smarter than you’ll ever be. We’ll just be taking the two maide-”

 

Benio was interrupted by the twins bursting out into laughter. Tamaki fell to the ground, incapacitated by the words Zuka club being put together. (AN: The author has no idea what the fuck a Zuka club actually is.) The remaining members continue to stand, though by this point they’ve probably zoned out and are thinking about better things than the mess going on in front of them. Morty’s attention was still elsewhere, most likely wondering when Rick would ditch Light, pop a portal and take Morty out for ice cream or something.

 

Unfortunately for Morty, Rick was tied up in more important business.

 

It was kind of odd how Rick  _ hadn’t  _ just decided to grab Morty and hop dimensions. Maybe it had something to do with him being in someone else’s body or maybe because whoever was after Rick could follow them into other realities. Was there more than one Galactic Federation? Or was there one communal reality kind of like the Citadel. Wait was there only one Citadel?

 

Shit was this a loophole? What exactly would happen if a different Rick turned himself in? A Rick from another timeline was still Rick Sanchez…

 

Geez there were a lot of questions Morty had that were probably going to remain unanswered for a while.

 

Whatever other question Morty had in regards to the Federation and the Citadel were quickly thrown out the window when he felt a pair of hands slowly wrap around his shoulders. He froze.

 

No…

 

Rick promised he was dead. He promised he would never hurt him ever again.

 

The music room wasn’t the music room anymore. Morty was standing in the dirty bathroom of the Thirsty Step. Mr Jellybean was right behind him wasn’t he?

 

Morty screamed, jerking away from whoever or whatever was touching him. 

All Morty could hear was Mr Jellybean’s voice. Calling him a sweet little twat, begging him to let this happen. He wasn’t going to let it happen again. It would  _ never  _ happen again. 

 

He tried to make a break for the exit. About halfway there, he tripped on his shoelaces and fell t the floor. The demon jellybean advanced towards Morty, cackling evilly. Morty, frozen on the ground, began to sob.

 

“No, stop, please…” he cried. Why wasn’t Rick coming to find him? He had to have been in the bathroom for a good ten minutes why didn’t his grandfather care enough to look for him? Deep down inside, Morty told himself, it was because Rick didn’t care. He didn’t care about anyone but himself. 

 

The jellybean was getting closer.

 

Morty uselessly called out for Rick. No one came. All he had was himself.

 

Now if you asked the host club, they wouldn’t have a good answer to describe the scene they were looking at. For what they knew, Morty was freaking out because the Chizuru girl touched him. Morty repeatedly asking someone to stop and calling for someone named Rick. They could somewhat remember Morty saying something about his grandfather being named Rick.

 

“Ohhhhhh…..” Jack whispered.

 

“Jack-senpai do you know what’s wrong with ‘em?” Haruhi asked.

 

Jack pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, fiddlin around with it for a moment. He passed it to the host club. It was a scene from a cartoon, with a boy in a yellow shirt and an anthropomorphic jellybean.

 

All questions were answered after watching the scene.

 

“Shouldn’t we be helping him?” Haruhi asked.

 

A soon as Haruhi finished her sentence, Morty grabbed the arm of Chizuru and flipped her over his shoulder with an expression of pure rage. 

 

“Who’s going with the flow now, bitch?!” Morty yelled at the fallen body in front of him.

 

The host club wore dumbfounded expression again.

 

“I think he’s fine in that department. Stopping him from murdering her is a more pressing matter.” Kyoya said.

 

“Hahaha. Oh Kyoya. This is Morty we’re talking about. He’d never kill anyone.” the twins laughed.

 

Behind the fourth wall, you could hear the laughter-sobs of the author. She doesn’t say why, she just continues to laugh and sob at the same time.

 

Morty finally came to his senses after ‘defeating’ Mr Jellybean. He looked down at the girl slowly realising what he’d done. 

 

“O-oh my god. I-is that girl dead? Did did I  _ kill  _ someone by accident again?!” Morty yelled.

 

“Again?” Hikaru asked, drowned out by loud screaming coming from the remaining two Lobelia girls and Morty.

 

Jack walked up to Chizuru, nudging her with his foot. She groaned quietly, weakly swatting at his foot. 

 

“Nah she's alive. It's all good, Morty.” Jack said, waving his hand infront of Morty.

 

“Shit, man. I'm really sorry about that. I just...I…” Morty said, breaking into sobs again remembering Mr Jellybean.

 

“It's fine Morty. It's not your fault.” Jack reassured the 14 year old.

 

“This is worse than I expected!! We need to get you away from this host club right away! And change your name to something more girly. Morty is a name of the penis.” Benio cried, walking over to Morty, shoving Jack away.

 

Morty didn't have the patience to deal with these girls. He also wasn't prepared to give all three of them the same treatment as the Chizuru girl. 

 

“Now you listen to me you bitch asses. I actually am a god damn boy. My name is Morty fucking Smith I'm not a goddamn girl. My mind is just trapped in one. And the real person who this body belongs to needs to be able to find her body once she's done with whatever the hell she’s doing. By the way your views are stupid. I've met a horrible amalgamation of Abraham Lincoln and Adolf Hitler who’s more reasonable than you! My  _ grandfather  _ is more reasonable than you and he’s an abusive alcoholic asshole who cares about nothing but himself!” Morty yelled.

 

“Yo did you forget what I showed you yesterday?” Jack asked.

 

“That doesn't excuse bailing on his family multiple times especially after fucking up the world and repeatedly attempting to blow up the Earth with neutrino bombs when he’s drunk.” Morty replied. “Among all the other shitty things he does.”

 

“Your grandfather has tried to blow up the Earth  _ multiple times _ ?!” Tamaki, who woke up sometime between the Mr Jellybean flashback and Morty yelling at Benio.

 

“Like I just said he's a total asshole.” Morty replied.

 

“Yeah but you still go on adventures with him seem to enjoy them.” Jack argued.

 

“That's not the point!” Morty said.

 

“Then what is? If you hate him so much why didn't you let your parents see you trashed the house when they were on that Titanic themed getaway? You could have stopped the adventures then and there. But you didn't because you enjoy going on them. Rick may be an asshole but given all the opportunities to stop going on adventures with him you don't do it. Why?” Jack asked.

 

“This conversation isn’t going anywhere.” Benio said, walking over to Morty.

 

“WILL YOU FUCK OFF ALREADY. DO ONE OF YOU NEED TO DIE FOR MY POINT TO COME ACROSS BECAUSE I WON’T HESITATE!” Morty yelled.

 

Morty was about to let out a battle cry and beat the living shit out of the Lobelia girls but made one vital mistake. He turned his back on the body. Morty fell to the ground, standing over him was Mitsukuni Haninozuka. It had to happen.

 

“I wonder how Light-chan is doing.” Hunny said.


	4. Lol Oops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The author has something to say.

Yeah so I got kind of busy with school and shit and I never really outlined the fanfiction...so I forget what was supposed to happen until the end. I'm too lazy to try to recreate it and to be honest I've lost interest in this fanfiction so I'll just tell you what the ending was going to be.

Light and Rick save Birdperson but Light dies. I forget how but she's dead af. By extension Morty's dead too. So yeah. I'd say I'm sorry but I'm really not. I just don't really care for this pile of trash anymore. I initially made it as a joke too.

Oops.

**Author's Note:**

> Well at least it's not incest.


End file.
